I slept inside my shirt last night

I really live in a strange position when it comes to making trips back and forth home. I live exactly 556 miles from home, which equates to roughly 9-1o hours of driving. Also, because Burlington is not close to an airport, and because 556 miles is not that far too fly, it is usually unfeasible to do so. Therefore, it is quite an ordeal to do either. So I would very much like to go to Iowa City next weekend for the Iowa v. Michigan game, but I can't seem to motivate myself to make the drive. Yes, as bad as I would love to see the game, I have reached that stage (and age) in my life where I just would rather sit at home. I did, however, go back for the Iowa v. Arizona game last month, which was a whole butt load of fun. I apparently had too much fun, as I offended every waitress we had that night. First, we were at the Airliner and had an Asian waitress and, while talking about a completely unrelated subject involving Asians, blurted out the words "asian invasion" just as our she was standing next to me. It was awful. Next, we went to Bo-James, where andrew asked the waitress if they serve fish, to which she replied, "No, thank god, fish are disgusting", to which I replied "what? Fish are disgusting and delicious, just like men." Finally, we went to the Atlas to get a sexy alligator shot, and it was extremely quiet, so I apparently felt the need to ask the waitress, "you guys got a juke box up in this mother fucker?" She was not amused.

I also think we may have set the record for oddest request by a bar manager. We were sitting in the basement bar, minding our own business and drinking a few cold ones, when the discussion turned for some reason to cunnalingus. What we did not realize at the time was that there were numerous families dining in the basement of this fine establishment. What we also did not realize, no doubt because of our intoxication, was the the entire character of the bar/restaraunt had changed from the last time I was there. It used to be mainly a bar and college hangout. However, it was now clearly attempting to be a fine family resteraunt. Anyway, some time after we had begun talking, the manager politely came downstairs, walked over to our group, and explained that, while he loved that we were having a good time, and that he wanted us to remain and continue our festivities, he would appreciate it if we could be somewhat quieter and NOT USE THE WORD CUNNALINGUS. Who in the world gets that sort of request while at a bar? It was awkward to say the least.

Finally, to top off the weekend, Doug once again pulled a Doug and did not come home Saturday night, choosing instead to sleep over by the library next to the electric boxes. His explanation was that he did not know how to get home, and he saw the electric boxes while walking and thought they were urinals. When he went to examine them he discovered they were electric boxes, were warm, and would make a nice bed for the night. His final sentence before falling asleep that morning was "I slept inside my shirt last night."