my wonderful night in jail
Last weekend I got to do something most people only dream about...spend the night in jail. I was so excited when it happened I almost felt like I won the lottery. not really. I have never been so angry in my life. It all started when I was at Octoberfest with some friends. At the end of the night (11:00) when the festival was closing, about 2 or 3 thousand people had to squeeze through one exit. It was like herding cows. As I was walking out I accidently bumped into the gentleman in front of me. He promptly turned around and without hesitation grabbed me by my shirt and almost lifted me off the ground. With a evil smile on his face, his only words to me were, "you are going to jail!" he quickly ushered me to the side of the crowd and handed me to a uniformed police officer. I can only assume that he was a plain-clothed officer. In fact, this happened to quite a few other people at this time, including one of my friends. As it turns out, they basically had a sting operation set up, whereby the plain clothed officers would randomly grab people and pull them out of the crowd then hand them to officers as to avoid suspicion. It was complete bullshit. Then I was cuffed and taken over to their makeshift police station where I sat for about 30 minutes. I couldn't even get any of the officers to tell me why I was being arrested. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity one of the officers told me that I was being arrested for public intoxication and disturbing the peace. He also told me that "I was in enough trouble already and if I would like he could add some more to my arrest." How kind of him.
After my free ride in the police car to the jail I was processed and put in the drunk tank. It basically looked like a large hostipal waiting room. One side of the room was designated for the women, and one side for the men. Then came the telephone incident. As if it wasn't bad enough how the cops had been acting like compelte jackasses all night, they had to one-up themselves. I politely asked to look at my cell phone to get numbers out to call someone to bail me out. Of course, nobody remembers phone numbers anymore, everyone carries their whole existince in their cellphone. Anyway, he promptly refused to let me see my cellphone and only allowed me to use the "free" payphones. I couldn't figure out how to use the phone. He told me that if I wasn't smart enough to figure that out then I was "shit out of luck." Nice. Finally, after about 20 minutes I figured out that you need to put in your prisoner ID that is handed to you when you get processed. I figured this out by sheer luck because there was no prompt that asked one to put in their ID.
Now I am getting somewhere, I get the yellow pages and find the numbers of a bunch of bailbondsmen. After calling about 3 of them I realized that either I was going crazy or these bailbondsmen didn't understand their own profession. Every single one of them told me that in order to get me out I had to have someone come over and give them the bond money. What the fuck?!?!? If I had someone to call with the money I would not be calling your stupid ass! Im convinced that they wouldn't come over because the $104 bond wasn't worth their time. Fucking assholes. With my options exhausted, I resided to my fate and plopped down on the dirty gray hard plastic chairs to watch a home improvement marathon on the giant 12 inch television. With no sound. After about 15 minutes a very schetchy bearded man came and sat next to me. He was obviously homeless, except for tonight. He stared at me for about 20 minutes and repeated over and over again "its gonna be ok man, its all in the past." I really wanted to hurt him, but I ignored him because I didn't want to miss any home improvement. Finally, after a couple of hours my girlfriends brother bailed me. Of course, they told him that it would take about 2 hours to process me, and he had driven to the jail in a cab, so he couldn't wait. This meant that I got to enjoy a brisk 3 mile walk home at 4:30 in the a.m.
I normally harbor positive feelings for the police, and until that night I never had a problem with them. This experience definitely left a bad taste in my mouth.
After my free ride in the police car to the jail I was processed and put in the drunk tank. It basically looked like a large hostipal waiting room. One side of the room was designated for the women, and one side for the men. Then came the telephone incident. As if it wasn't bad enough how the cops had been acting like compelte jackasses all night, they had to one-up themselves. I politely asked to look at my cell phone to get numbers out to call someone to bail me out. Of course, nobody remembers phone numbers anymore, everyone carries their whole existince in their cellphone. Anyway, he promptly refused to let me see my cellphone and only allowed me to use the "free" payphones. I couldn't figure out how to use the phone. He told me that if I wasn't smart enough to figure that out then I was "shit out of luck." Nice. Finally, after about 20 minutes I figured out that you need to put in your prisoner ID that is handed to you when you get processed. I figured this out by sheer luck because there was no prompt that asked one to put in their ID.
Now I am getting somewhere, I get the yellow pages and find the numbers of a bunch of bailbondsmen. After calling about 3 of them I realized that either I was going crazy or these bailbondsmen didn't understand their own profession. Every single one of them told me that in order to get me out I had to have someone come over and give them the bond money. What the fuck?!?!? If I had someone to call with the money I would not be calling your stupid ass! Im convinced that they wouldn't come over because the $104 bond wasn't worth their time. Fucking assholes. With my options exhausted, I resided to my fate and plopped down on the dirty gray hard plastic chairs to watch a home improvement marathon on the giant 12 inch television. With no sound. After about 15 minutes a very schetchy bearded man came and sat next to me. He was obviously homeless, except for tonight. He stared at me for about 20 minutes and repeated over and over again "its gonna be ok man, its all in the past." I really wanted to hurt him, but I ignored him because I didn't want to miss any home improvement. Finally, after a couple of hours my girlfriends brother bailed me. Of course, they told him that it would take about 2 hours to process me, and he had driven to the jail in a cab, so he couldn't wait. This meant that I got to enjoy a brisk 3 mile walk home at 4:30 in the a.m.
I normally harbor positive feelings for the police, and until that night I never had a problem with them. This experience definitely left a bad taste in my mouth.
posted by gobbie at 10:46 AM
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